Happy Birthday to My Angelheaded Hipster

“My French Canadian roamin-eyed blue-eyed bum, my movie star-lookin wordsmith extraodinaire”…Whatever dimension you’re hanging out in tonight, Ti Jean, here’s a funny poem I wrote to you. Since my theory is that the internet is a kind of inorganic (?) nervous system, even though you’re no longer on this planet, I think you’ll get it. I love you. X

what I would have called him

I wouldn’t want to sound pretentious.
I would have said “my friend Jack”
if people asked me about him.
Actually, I would have liked to say
“my boyfriend Jack”
if everything had worked out the way I wanted it to.
Then it would have been
“oh yeah, so my boyfriend Jack
brought me rocks from Big Sur
no-  not because he’s cheap-
because he knows rocks are transcendental spirits
and knows how much I love them.”
And of course because he was my boyfriend
he would have called me his “baby muse” or his
“truthful youthful angelheaded hipster”…
something like that.

And I would have a pet name for him
like Roamy or Fubberhead or
Frenchie because we knew each other so long and
were so tight that I could have stupid nicknames for him
and he would really like it
it would be as though I was the only person
who could do that
except maybe for Allen Ginsberg or Neal Cassidy
though in public I would just call him “Jack”,
and sometimes “my friend Jack”
so that people would never guess how
intensely intimate we really were.

but when he wasn’t around and I was talking to my
friends about him I would have said
“yeah, the much older guy with a pot belly
who follows me around
and writes me long love poems from Florida
where he lives with his mother…you know
the Canuck guy with the mother thing,
the one with the thick wavy hair
who can really kiss…you know
the guy who wrote ON THE ROAD!”

And of course, I would never be taken
on the road with him,
since he needed to do that kind of research
for his books without me,
and it would be better anyway
when he got back and
Of course, when we were alone then,
I would never call him anything but “Jack”,
or sometimes “Kerouac” if I was trying to prove a point.

Calling him Kerouac would mean
that I was not just some kid with a crush on him
but a real woman who got angry
when he let her to walk to the subway alone at 3am.
which he would occassionally do when he
got really drunk.

Then there would be what I would call him
when I was ready to break it off
because of course he would want to be my teenage idol
for all of his middleaged life
and would never break off with ME
so I wouldn’t want to bring
too much attention to that moment,
I would just call him “Jack” then,
“Jack, it’s me” when he first picked up the phone
….and then I would call him
“My French Canadian roamin-eyed blue-eyed bum,
“my movie star-lookin wordsmith extraodinaire
with a backpack and some trail mix,
“my powerhouse quarterback
with a dime to call home in his pocket
to let his mother know he was allright”…

When that time came, I would say
“My beautiful perfect older man lover,
I got other roads to rail and besides
I’ve got to go to college and get a real boyfriend
that my mother says doesn’t look like my uncle”.
“And I love you Jack and especially
everything you ever wrote,
you big American icon with those big American icon arms.
But its not fair that your mother still thinks
I’m Allen Ginsberg’s roommate
so this has got to end…be sensible.
I’m just too young to be tied down
and you hate Jimi Hendrix anyway.”

“So Jack, let’s be friends and when I call you
‘my friend Jack’, it’ll be for real and forever
and I won’t have to worry about sounding
pretentious in front of my friends
or feeling grungy sleeping on your dirty sheets
and then you can call your mother
anytime (and for any reason)
even when I’m in the room.

-Clare Ultimo, 2006
(writ for a March 12 “Tone Poem” reading at the Bowery Poetry Club, NYC)

Photo by Jerome Yulsman

Before Anything, We Need a Free Media

Robert McChesney and John Nichols were part of a panel on February 3 at the Ethical Culture Society in New York City. McChesney and Nichols have just completed a book called “The Death and LIfe of American Journalism” (NationBooks), which is a fascinating, engaging read. David Carr of “The New York Times” and Pamela Newkirk from the NYU Journalism School were also on the panel. GRIT TV’s Laura Flanders and “The Nation” editor Katrina vanden Heuvel introduced the event. The room was packed and the conversation was riveting. I went alone, because while many of my friends are passionate political activists, no one seems to care too much about Big Media control. Health Care Reform, the Afgan war, Immigration Issues are the top of the list for most of the folks I know. John Nichols said “When people tell me what their number one reform issue is…health care, or the war…I say make Media Reform your number two”. I disagree. If media reform isn’t your number one, you will never be able to have a truly intelligent opinion about anything else. Why?

Without a free media, crucial parts of our political landscape will remain hidden to you on purpose–
1. Six companies own all the widely distributed news venues in the world. That’s thousands (and thousands) of local networks, papers, magazines, book publishing houses and internet sites that have to tow the party line and take orders from their owners (and now Comcast is trying to buy NBC!). These mega-companies are “affectionately” called The Big Six. (1)

2. Media conglomerates have never been interested in the old-fashioned, time-consuming, painstaking values of journalism. That stuff takes money, often takes more than an hour to put together and these big guys have to show profits every quarter or else. Yes, money and greed are the first plateau in the problem of corporate owned media. And the bottom line grows needier all the time; a “side effect” resulting in the laying off of thousands of veteran reporters each year to make bigger profits. Which leads to:

3. Less people are doing all the work. And what is the most profitable use for those lucky enough to still have a job in the newsroom? Following Tiger Woods around to report his marital infedelities, not digging through senate hearing papers on Health Care or unraveling the cause of a local chemical waste problem so YOU can make an informed decision next election. Which leads to:

4. The assumption that the public is too dumb to care about the details of the real world that affects them. Read: we will keep them distracted with the sexual life of celebrities so we can do what we want to them! Keep ‘em happy with beer and football and we’ll be able to walk away with the store.

5. Big Media conglomerates own so many other companies that reporting truthfully about one of their subsidiaries is not allowed. You don’t think you’d hear about the dangers of media conglomeration from one of the Big Six, did you? According to Ted Turner: “This ability to control the news is especially worrisome when a large media organization is itself the subject of a news story. Disney’s boss, after buying ABC in 1995, was quoted in LA Weekly as saying, “I would prefer ABC not cover Disney.” A few days later, ABC killed a “20/20″ story critical of the parent company.”(2)

6. Big Media is in bed with the government, which doesn’t allow them much room for objectivity. If you are powerful enough to get your government to give you what you want, you won’t want to make your government look so bad. The truth is often ugly and they’ve given you the right to rule, after all! In 2003, the FCC raised the national audience cap for media conglomeration to 39% (pulling back from the 45% they had originally approved because of public outcry).(3) This means that one company can own almost half of all the media, from print to internet in the marketplace, pushing out all the smaller, independent voices. In days long past, the FCC would not have allowed such a thing. I think, in those days, this was called a “monopoly” and we were all told by Uncle Sam that Americans deserved diversity in the marketplace. Smaller news outlets are barely holding on – this kind of massive conglomeration makes it harder and harder to compete; they simply don’t have enough money to do it.

The “death” of journalism is a sign the degradation of our communication systems. Rotting pipes delivering dirty water, or just so busted up that they don’t deliver anything anymore. This doesn’t mean it has to stay this way, but nothing will change until more people acknowledge that this problem is real and threatens our democracy. If you don’t know it’s happening, if you still get your news and opinions from the thousands of outlets owned by The Big Six you simply will not know the whole story. How can we argue politics with our friends when everyone is repeating what they heard on CNN (BTW, now owned by TimeWarner).

And yes, thankfully, we still have “The Nation” and people like Bob McChesney and John Nichols (who did see the importance of this 20 years ago), Freepress.org, NPR and other independent, underfunded seekers of truth. But New York City’s public broadcasting network, Channel 13, is cutting “NOW” (David Brancaccio/Bill Moyers investigative reporting show) so things are not really getting better on the public broadcasting front.

Don’t want to believe it?
Time to wake up and smell the propaganda. Beware of “bundling things together”, the root of the word “fascism”. It will look like the seamless combination of nationalism and corporatism and it’s here. Millions of us are goose-stepping right into it, too busy watching Snooki and Pauly D to see where we’re all going.

1. The Big Six: See http://www.freepress.net/ownership/chart/main
2. “My Beef With Big Media” by Ted Turner. http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/features/2004/0407.turner.html
3. “Sweeping Changes Proposed for Ownership Limits” hearusnow.org,

Learn more: See the Links page on this site and click on the Media Activism icon for lots of great resources.

Saving Yourself

Recently, I saw a very long interview with Jordon Maxwell, the amazing symbol researcher, author and journalist. Whether you agree with him or not, he’s certainly got volumes to say about “what’s really going on” underneath the controlled media news, in every area, from politics to religion. One of the first alternative researchers of this genre (he’s been doing this for 40 years) many others have followed his footsteps and hold him in the highest regard. The interview I saw was for a conference held by The Camelot Project, so you can look them up if you’re so inclined. I’ve heard him speak many times before (on stations like Coast to Coast AM) but this was longer, more relaxed.  At the very end of the interview, he was asked “do you think we can be saved?” and he responded: “No, I don’t think the human race can be saved”.

Someone else might think this is a pretty hopeless thing to say (especially as a last point of a long interview), but not me. I thought it was a great choice of language. It actually inspired me. What if we didn’t have to be saved anymore? What if we could save ourselves? That would really change everything. It would be a totally new way of looking at who we are.

Whether Maxwell is right or wrong, being “saved” has much more than religious or spiritual meaning. The whole notion of having to be bailed out suggests you remain powerless, insignificant, “less than”. It holds you to a position of needing someone or something that you do not presently have and apparently could never get on your own. Being saved means you can’t do anything BUT mess up - “see that’s why we have to save you!” And that’s not to say we don’t mess up a lot; so we tell each other “Well, what did you expect? See, you can’t do it, it never works” etc.

The bad stuff is certainly true…we still kill each other over money and belief systems…we still reward exploitation and carelessness of our planetary resources (an on and on) but that is simply not ALL of it. We ALSO have done wonderful things, made wonderful things and had wonderful realizations along the way.

Our assumptions about “human nature” are generally discouraging; we say being human is well, being mistaken, being wrong, that it’s “natural” to make a mess of things, and we tend to stop there.  And if you are saying to yourself “well, that’s the way it IS” you don’t get it the point at all.

Yes, we have been sad, weak, selfish, greedy creatures but we have also been inventive, sharing, curious, strong, smart, brave, creative creatures and we forget this so easily. Perhaps if we were more curious about what makes us tick; if we asked more questions instead of hiding behind what someone else told us; if we felt more self-responsibility and less inclination to point the finger at someone else…maybe we wouldn’t be so convinced that we needed someone else to bail us out of this mess. On a molecular level, we are made up of the same stuff as stars, lest you forget.

I predict that 2010 may just be the time we found out how amazing we really can be. Maybe we’ll be forced to, as our as our “rulers” stumble through their mess of lies and bad management, but this could be the year we wake up the sleeping superhero within us all. Personally, I’m counting on it.

Being Original in 2010

Being original is not really fun. I think we worship it in our culture so that we keep it at a distance from our own personal experience. Unfolding our own originality is a struggle and it really isn’t glamorous. It’s uncomfortable actually because you don’t have any guideposts as you make your way through territory that doesn’t seem to make sense at first. If you’ve ever done this, you know it takes a lot of courage to do what you feel from your own heart, to make or say something without any authority but your own. The “authorities” don’t like really like it either, so it’s not unusual to be punished with exclusion or ridicule because we have chosen our own paths, our own ideas, without a place to “fit in”.

Sure, we like to tell ourselves that originality is important and special, to strive for it, or to amuse ourselves with someone else’s “originality”. It even looks as though originality is rewarded in our world, but if you look more carefully at this, the reward comes at a high price. It comes after the numbers show up, the money arrives, and the investment is made. That’s when being original “pays off”. We hear it in the mission statement goals of many organizations and makes for good business jargon. But it takes an original mind to recognize one. How many times have you heard the stories of the music powerbrokers who passed on a great musical original who later become iconic with another label, and lived to regret it?

Original may not mean NEW, so I guess it’s easy to be confused. What’s new may only be a more convenient, more effective way to do something very old  - the toilet is not an original idea for example, but it certainly provided a new and better way to pee!

In contrast, the guy who first walked around England in the 1700s with an umbrella over his head in the rain got rocks and mud thrown at him. Now that’s an original idea! Everyone else felt that it was an affront to be dry when clearly nature meant you not to be. See what I mean? Original means maybe only you know it’s right, and you don’t care what the majority thinks. Well, in this case, they were very wrong. Seems to happen a lot.

Each of us is an original, a specific imprint of frequency on the invisible movement of waves that our entire world is really made out of. (Science already knows the world is made up of invisibles, not solid objects.) So if you’ve forgotten the original part of yourself, pick up the scent again. Get on your own trail and find out what and who you really are. Research your own stuff, don’t take anyone’s word for it. Know that being original –  in your ideas, your feelings, your expression and not waiting for the OK from on-high to make your point - IS THE POINT.  What is original about you cannot be taken away by anyone or anything. It’s the only part of you that you can really call your own.

Happy 2010. There is no one like you and there never will be. Don’t underestimate your originality and don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you don’t have any. We’ve suffered the consequences of “originality fear” for centuries and look at where that got us. So go for it. I’ll be with you all the way.

Advice to Designers and Young Lovers (Pt 2): It doesn’t matter who you thought you were!

A friend shows up here today and tells me that there’s a new trend in “shrink talk”. Recently laid-off Vice Presidents – the upper management crew of America–are talking to their psychiatrists about the meaning (or lack of it) in their lives now that they no longer have a job: What were they doing all this time? This is particularly poignant in the financial sector as you can imagine. If Wall Street is really a bunch of numbers disappearing in mid-air, then what the hell were these people doing with their lives for the past 30 years…or more?

It’s the Crisis of Meaning for the “powerful”. Better late then never I say. If you didn’t already know you were more than the name on your door or your checkbook, 2009 was the time to figure it out.

We are entering the age of “It doesn’t matter who you thought you were”. Seemingly indispensable folks are now becoming dispensable and painful slaps in the face are heard everywhere. People who once wielded power over hundreds, maybe thousands, are crying in the arms of their accountants, wondering how they ended up in bankruptcy.

The men behind these masks of power (and yes, they are mostly men) are staring into headlights without a clue. Defining the importance of their life by the size of their office; the letters after their name; their expense accounts creates a pretty high dependency on the accoutrements of power. There’s little incentive to look inside or beyond the game you seem to be winning.

Real power is not easily seen, and not easily destroyed. It only comes from inside, once you’ve taken the time to question, to stop and really listen (to yourself), which may not come naturally for some. Any power that is given to you from outside yourself can be taken away; and these days it seems more likely than ever to happen.

As we step into this great redefinition of authority and personal significance at the beginning of a new century, remember to look inside for what your life means, and do it now. The power you have within yourself cannot be taken away; the most valuable part of you is invisible. Didn’t you always, secretly know that?