I doubt that any of you reading this are not digitally hooked up yet, meaning your TV watching is either digital or you’re not watching TV, right? There’s NOTHING ON TV unless you get Cable or Satellite, (or have the converter, or watch on your computer)….right? Wrong!
You don’t need digital TV to be saved! There are three channels working perfectly on the little TV in one of my bedrooms, the little TV that has no cable, no digital converter, nothing but a really low tech antenna (and I should have thrown the thing out but I didn’t yet). One channel is CBN: Christian Broadcasting Network, the 700 club, the one that’s run by Pat Robertson. I don’t know the name of the second one, but it’s also a Christian outreach network. Every time I find it, there is a drive going where listeners are asked to give gifts upwards from $500. This drive seems like it’s been going on for weeks and I’m sure it will end soon (?) Makes Jerry Lewis’ Muscular Dystrophy Telethon look like a commercial break.
The third one, (surprise!) is HOME SHOPPING NETWORK, where the world of little embroidered kittens kissing each other finds a home on pink sweatshirts. Apparently, there are millions of buyers who love this stuff, and I am always perversely fascinated enough with the kittens (or the autumn pumpkins) to stop and stare in disbelief. I consider it an anthropological non-digital expedition into universes I may never know. Making known the unknown and all that.
Now, please remember that Public Broadcasting Network is not one of the three networks available, which is a bit mysterious to me, since supposedly Public Television is sponsored by THE PUBLIC. Definition of public is possibly inaccurate. Apparently losing what might be the most important audience in America (Christians and shoppers) is not an option for our handlers.
So, if you are unfortunate enough to be poor and unable to get cable or buy the box, you can still watch TV and put your pennies together for Jesus or the embroidered kitten sweatshirts. Is this some kind of secret message about consumerism and religion? What about Catholic or Jewish shoppers? Don’t Buddhists shop too?
I’m keeping my little rabbit ear TV as long as I can, because I’m waiting for 3D television; I’ll make the switch then. I figure, at this rate, in a few years, even huge screen HD won’t be enough for the American public. HSN will be transformed into the Holodeck Shopping Network and we will all be able to reach out and feel the orange sequined pumpkins for ourselves. Free 6-month subscriptions to 3DTV will be given out at your local place of worship. World Wrestling Entertainment will never be the same!
The FCC will euphemistically call 3DTV “The Second Coming” of television – it will make advertising history! “Keep watching or lose your soul.”